I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
