We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
