My sheets look like a crime scene.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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