We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
