he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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