How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
