yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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