yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize