He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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