I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
