i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
