i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
