Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
