Farmville is her only friend.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize