This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
