So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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