evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
