Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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