I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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