Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
