i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
