i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
