There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
