Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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