so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
