Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
