I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize