my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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