Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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