She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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