Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
