I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
