the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize