u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
