Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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