Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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