I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
