Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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