I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
