By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
