i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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