Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
