k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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