In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize