hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
