You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
