How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize