she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
