I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
