Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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