At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
