you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I have feelings that need drinking.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
