he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize