i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
