Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
