I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
