I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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