Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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