can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
