If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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