Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
