weddingsv make me drug and hornr
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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