TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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