I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
