sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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