He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
two words...techno handjob
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
