I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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