Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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