I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
