So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
