I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
