Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
