i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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