I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
